Innovation frustration

This morning I was looking at myself in the mirror, quietly confident I had the best a man could get, when I suddenly realised – with a little discomfort – that I didn’t. What had happened to my razor of champions; a blade that was supposed to handle the demanding contours of my face, as well as a bit of her unorthodox against-the-grain leg shaving? Well, it had gone blunt as a spoon after a week and I happened to feel like a loser: a stubbly one. But us freelancers are well accustomed to that. No, what really pissed me off was returning to purchase the same brand of blades and discovering what kind of ‘innovation technology’ they had been investing in. It would appear that battery-operated vibration and vitamin e-secreting neon-strip ‘upgrades’ had drained the budget out of making decent razor blades forever. Aren’t they missing the point there slightly? Do they care? I fear not. In fact, I’m beginning to see a rather ugly pattern emerging, and it’s not just the one on my chin. Pointless innovations, updates and applications that do little or no service to the original piece of machinery – sounds like a good rant piece for the Vueling inflight magazine, Ling...

In other words

There are three types of foreigner in Spain: those who have lived here a few years and speak less than 10 words of Spanish (it must be true; I read it in a Giles Tremlett book); those who have lived here a few years, speak very good Spanish yet still assume they sound terrible; and those who have lived here a few years and think their spoken Spanish is pretty good when it's actually bloody awful. I fall into the third category. Locksmiths, receptionists and the old lady next door will testify to this. And though it has improved steadily since I arrived (positively skyrocketing once I realised fluency wouldn't come by watching gameshows or eavesdropping in bars, but by study) I still find it incredibly frustrating that I can't be as articulate in Spanish as I can, on a good day, in English. What I can do very well, however, is understand the written word. So when my girlfriend, a qualified translator, asked me to do the donkey work on a 28,000-word translation last week, it seemed like the perfect opportunity to repay a small chunk of the linguistic debt to her I incurred when we arrived. Picture the scene two years ago: Her: "Babe, can you get the door phone while I'm putting on my make-up?" Me: "No, I'm scared." I wasn't easy to live with. Anyway, back to the translation: it was vast. But we persevered and completed it on deadline (within five days!). And apart from a liiiiittle bit of stress, I found the whole experience very gratifying. As well as the obvious act of translating one language into another, the whole process involved a hefty amount of editing, sub editing, proofreading and hundreds of "how would we say that in English?" questions. Basically, a few things I have a geekish fascination with already. Woe betide anyone who thinks translation is just replacing words with equivalent words; you've got to find the cultural and linguistic equivalence! We did. And I helped. Only 95% of the debt left to pay then...