In other words

There are three types of foreigner in Spain: those who have lived here a few years and don't speak more than 10 words of Spanish (it must be true, I read it in a Giles Tremlett book); those who have lived here a few years, speak very good Spanish yet still assume they sound terrible; and those who have lived here a few years and think their spoken Spanish is pretty good when it's actually bloody awful. I fall into the third category. Locksmiths, receptionists and the old lady next door will testify to this. And though it has improved steadily since I arrived (positively sky rocketing once I realised fluency wouldn't come by watching gameshows or eavesdropping in bars but by study), I still find it incredibly frustrating that I can't be as articulate in Spanish as I can (on a good day) in English. What I can do very well, however, is understand the written word. So when my girlfriend, a qualified translator, asked me to do the donkey work on a 28,000-word translation last week, it seemed like the perfect opportunity to repay a small chunk of the linguistic debt to her I incurred when we arrived. Picture the scene two years ago: Her: "Babe, can you get the door phone while I'm putting on my make-up?" Me: "No, I'm scared." I wasn't easy to live with. Anyway, back to the translation: it was vast. But we persevered and completed it on deadline (within five days!). And apart from a liiiiittle bit of stress, I found the whole experience very gratifying. As well as the obvious act of translating one language into another, the whole process involved a hefty amount of editing, sub editing, proofreading and hundreds of "how would we say that in English?" questions. Basically, a few things I have a geekish fascination with already. Woe betide anyone who thinks translation is just replacing words with equivalent words; you've got to find the cultural and linguistic equivalence! We did. And I helped. Only 95% of the debt left to pay then...

Eternal youth

Rome, the Eternal City, will always inhabit a sentimental albeit pokey little corner of my heart. It was the destination of my first romantic getaway. It was also deserted and rained solid for the entire three days. We spent most of our time hopping from closed pizzerias to bad exhibitions to bed (and repeat), but we somehow managed to find the bright side, and the handful of Romans that hadn't left the city to spend Christmas with with their nans. My own experience was no doubt lightened a shade or two by the woman I was with (and still am) and also the little boy I overheard by the Trevi Fountain during a particularly brutal thunderstorm. And I quote: "This place is rubbish! Everything's broken and there's cat shit everywhere." Poor sod. He was right, though: The ruins don't always appeal to everyone and the cats – along with a gaggle of particularly prickish waiters – did saunter about like they owned the place. At the time, however, I did feel better that I wasn't having as much of a crappy time as him. I later felt guilty. This month, I have decided to dedicate my 'Roam Rome with the kids' piece in the Wizz inflight magazine to him. Bless. (www.wizzmagazine.com)

Special branch

E-e-e-e-eeewoks!

Blog role

This is me sitting outside the Docamar bar in Madrid. Owner Raúl kindly caught me in mid munch as I worked my way through his famous patatas bravas. Okay, he didn't invent the tapas staple but you won't find many places in Madrid, or elsewhere for that matter, that serve it dripping in the tastiest hotdamn salsa you'll ever come across. I included his excellent bar and an account of his dedication to potato dressing in a blog-style city guide to Madrid. I basically ran around town asking various people to recommend me their favourite bars, restaurants, sights etc. I then went and did exactly what they recommended. I started off at funky t-shirt shop La Tipo and let the domino effect of recommendations lead me into a seedy cabaret club at about 2 in the morning. I met some great people along the way and hopefully the article will inspire a few people to ditch the guide book occasionally and rely on the vast (and better informed) resource of people that actually live and breath Madrid to suggest a few good places to burn euros. You'll find my on-the-hoof account in the Wizz Magazine this August. (www.wizzmagazine.com)

Alicante revisited

"The only people who ever have a bad word to say about Alicante are the very same people who have never been there. Situated on the Spain’s eastern coast, bordering Murcia on the south and Valencia on the north, Alicante is, in reality, one of the country’s most attractive and cosmopolitan cities with an irresistible all-year-round buzz. Add that to rich cultural and culinary traditions, demonstrated by a wide selection of award-winning museums, world-class restaurants and deep-rooted festivities, and you might to ask yourself why you haven’t been to see the true Alicante for yourself yet." Okay, there's a sniff of hyperbole in the introduction to my online Alicante guide for YeahBaby (web coming) but I'm no liar. Admittedly, summer might not be the best time to sample the full spectrum of what's on offer – as it normally turns into a bit of a wild party town – but you might be surprised at what you can find during the rest of the year with a good guide. Architecture, gastronomy, artesanal sweet shops, swish beach clubs, picturesque day escapes... it's all there if you start looking in the right place and, of course, stop listening to the naysayers.

Happy birthday to zoo

There aren’t many cities on the planet that can boast an 11km park running through the centre of town. Fewer still that can boast a 100,000 square-metre replica of African and Madagascan landscapes - plus animals - living at the end of one. But Valencia is one of the lucky few. The city's one-year old Bioparc represents one of the world’s latest "immersion zoos" - zoos that meticulously recreate animal habits for their continued wellbeing without obvious bars or cages. By effectively recreating natural habitats with the same ecosystem, immersion zoos allow their animals to behave and mix as they would in the wild: washing, grazing, playing and, hopefully, breeding. I took my lady to the zoo for her birthday (as you do) and we were thrilled to see every one of these activities undertaken by a mixed bag of animals, without an obvious care in the world. Like them or loathe them, you'd have to admit after closer inspection that zoos don't get more comfortable than this. Just look at this happy fella above. A photographer friend Juergen Horn (www.jhfoto.de) was taking full advantage of the giraffe-eyeview platform when he captured this proud beauty. Have a look at the write up here (www.wizzmagazine.com).

The magnificent seven

Never underestimate the little places. That was the uncomplicated message behind my seven-city rundown for the easyJet magazine. After looking through the budget flyer's destination list on the search for inspiration (I do that occasionally) I came across a few destinations that I had never seen mentioned in the magazine – despite being some of their most popular summer destinations. I just wanted to give them their 15 minutes of fame (three million people read the mag every month, doncha know?) and highlight a few unknown facts, names and places. Now most people could probably tell you where to find La Sagrada Familia, St Marks Cathedral or Big Ben without blinking, but would they know where Napoleon was born, where in Italy they'd find a White City (pictured) or get a portion of tasty ful medames? I gave them a helping hand with small feature highlighting a few of the unknown gems to be found in Hurghada, Bastia, Ajaccio, Catania, Lamezia Terme, Dalaman and Brindisi (www.ink-live.com/easyjet/2009/mar)